Communication - Personal Development - Business

Some of you have responded to the blog on difficult people because of the job market and especially the process of interviewing. Hearing about people that are upset because there are “no jobs out there” or “Poor me, I’ve been laid off” makes me crazy - so here is my take on the subject. Let me know what you think!

You’ve been laid off and have nowhere to go. How is your attitude? Have you become a toxic or difficult person because you are just plain ticked off? Here are some simple tricks to keep you on target:

1. Review the talents you do have and dwell on them.
2. Don’t berate your old job or boss. It will only come back to haunt you.
3. Be proactive. Post your resume on line and stick to it.
4. Realize that you are now in sales and your product is YOU.
5. Better than 68% of people lie on resumes. Don’t even think about it.

So, finally the Human Resources department for the job of your dreams is right around the corner. That posting from Monster.com was finally noticed and has paid off. Now what? Do not allow yourself to become a difficult person during the interview. And this does happen! If you are unprepared, you can become negative, aggressive and will undermine your own communications.

Train yourself to be prepared for any interview. In interviews I’ve done with Human Resource professional, they consistently mention how unprepared job seekers are.

Here is a quick hit list to get you started and keep you on the right track for the interview.
1. Give the single best reason we should consider hiring you over all the others we are considering?
2. If we contact all your previous bosses and/or colleagues, what one trait would they say you could to improve?
3. If you could do any job, in any company, what would be the job and name the company?
4. In detail, define strengths, weaknesses, communication style, management style, personality and values your ideal boss.
5. What questions would you need me to answer for you to determine if this company and this job is what you are best suited to do?
Take personal responsibility for your success. Learn how to create a great interview.

Cheers, Marsha

****************
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Tags: Job Interviews, awareness, bad behavior, communications, dealing with difficult people, difficult people, employment, hiring, personal marketing, problem people, unemployment by Marsha
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Many of you ask questions about your work place and difficult people – especially with unemployment rates being low. One reoccurring issue is how do you know who NOT to hire! Here is my take on insuring a toxic free zone.

Difficult and Toxic People don’t just make others feel miserable; they create problems for their companies in many ways. They increase turnover, lower morale, and reduce profits.

When hiring employees, look for two characteristics: judgment and attitude. Typically, difficult people do not have either of these attributes. Everything else can be trained.

Second, avoid hiring the people who will never succeed — those who cannot do what they are told and those who cannot do anything unless they are told.

Ask questions that help get responses to make better hiring decisions.

1. Why did you leave your last position?
2. What are the key factors/skills you bring to building a successful team?
3. How do you stay motivated and focused?
4. What are the two elements of your experience that will help us reach our goals and satisfy our clients/customers?
5. If you had an issue with another employee, whether your subordinate, colleague, or superior, how would you go about resolving it?
6. What are two or three considerations a company has to focus on to build great customer relationships?

Lars Dalgaard is CEO and cofounder of SuccessFactors, one of the world’s fastest-growing software companies with revenues over $30 million created a list of the interesting milestones for the last seven years of his company. Her is my favorite:
* Employing no jerks

All the employees SuccessFactors hires agree in writing to 14 “rules of engagement.” Rule 14 starts out, “I will be a good person to work with—not territorial, not be a jerk.” One of Dalgaard’s founding principles is that “our organization will consist only of people who absolutely love what we do, with a white-hot passion. We will have utmost respect for the individual in a collaborative, egalitarian, and meritocratic environment—no blind copying, no politics, no parochialism, no silos, no games, —just being good!”

If you need a better understanding of identifying Toxic People, find resources that will give you the skills you need! Whether it is my book, Toxic People: decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons or duct tape or other resources, do something! They will contaminate any work group or business environment.

Let me know what you think! Your questions have been terrific. Marsha

Tags: Deception, awareness, communications, cooperation, hiring, problem people by Marsha
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I spoke at a meeting last night and the audience was filled with highly educated people, the majority being MD’s – yes-medical doctors. There were some positive business changes being discussed within there organization. I was fascinated to listen to some of the difficult people express their whining questions, accusatory tone, and how some choose to take the Whine and Cheeser Toxic person route.

The message they send
• Don’t expect me to do anything to fix problems – I’m helpless
• To stay on my good side you must listen to my complaints
• I’m perfect. Therefore, it is my duty to notice all of the faults around me
• I’m right occasionally, so you had better be sure and listen to me

The President of the company was an excellent communicator and chose to take action. He did not agree with the difficult people. Rather he asked questions and dug deeper to determine the real issue was. Then he made relevant statements and continued to confirm the response with the Whine and Cheeser Toxic Person.

He really made them think. He did not buy into their misery. Instead, he listened, watched, and took verbal action. Do you have this arsenal of communication tools to draw from? Most people don’t.

Remember to identify the kind of difficult behavior you display and what kind of Toxic Person YOU become! Your approach must be in check before you can take any measure in decontaminating a toxic person.

This is the first week of the release of my new book, Toxic People: decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons or duct tape. I am very pleased that it is doing so well. People DO understand that they have to learn the skills to manage these people. If you go to www.Amazon.com and buy this book today, you will receive an incredible bonus success package filed with ideas from the best Success Experts in the world! All you do is send your Amazon receipt to me at bonusoffer@marshapetriesue.com and receive your link to this great package.

Do something now about the people that suck the life out of you!

Marsha
(A recovering Toxic Person!)

Cry babies, mental terrorists and whinners

Tags: awareness, bad behavior, calm., communications, dealing with difficult people, difficult people, listening, problem people, whinning by Marsha
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Maturity is underrated, misunderstood and in a downward spiral. Where will it all end. There is now a new name being given to a disorder that describes people who, in my opinion, don’t use their maturity. It’s called IED or Intermittent Emotional Disorder.

Is this the reason that toxic people and difficult people are on the rise?

More interesting information can be found here.

Interesting how lack of maturity and personal responsibility continue to have backers. People and groups who come up with excuses as to why bad behavior and poor choices are not their fault. Now they have another excuse—IED. Intermittent Emotional Disorder is the tag line being used. In the field of psychology, IED really refers to intermittent EXPLOSIVE disorder and is applied to persons who cannot manage their anger, relationships, and/or themselves.

Here is the answer: When you have the urge to tear someone’s throat out, honk your horn or flip someone an unmentionable sign understand that controlling this emotion is a sign of maturity. Here is what mature people do:

1. Take a deep breath. This forces the oxygen to your brain so you can think properly. It also eliminates you wanting to put hot pokers in your eyes.
2. Pause. Give yourself a chance to think. And if you can’t, admit it and call for a time out. A real sign that you are in control of the situation. It will also give you time to put away the weapons and duct tape.
3. Shift to the left-brain where the proper words and actions live. Your right brain kicks in when you are upset and angry. The mental terrorism will spur you on to impulsive deeds and immature actions. Train yourself to count to ten or say, “this is a test, this is only a test. This will not be important in 100 years.” This will help you to stop “awfulizing.”

Remember you are a role model and people watch your every move. You do it to other people and know they do it to you!
Please visit www.MarshaPetriesSue.com or email at Marsha AT MarshaPetrieSue DOT com. Marsha’s blog: www.DecontaminateToxicPeople.com

As a professional speaker and author, Marsha Petrie Sue is the Mohammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. She is the author of Toxic People: dealing with difficult people in the workplace without using weapons or duct tape.
To her book visit Amazon here.

Tags: Uncategorized, bad behavior, dealing with difficult people, difficult people, difficult relationships, perception, problem people, self-centeredness by Marsha
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From one of my readers in asking them how a coaching session went with a “Steamroller” employee:

Well, it went! I can tell you I got her attention. I showed her the notes that I took from the session recording - pretty much verbatim - as you explained the characteristics of a “steamroller.” I was careful to tell her that I wasn’t “labeling” her, but that when I attended the session and you described the steamroller, I thought of her. She said she didn’t want to be seen as a steamroller, nor was she aware of being perceived as described in your session.

I’m sending her the session recording today along with the handouts from your session. Awareness is the first step, right? I told her that I was going to call it to her attention whenever I was aware of her steamrolling someone or when I felt she was steamrolling someone in an email. She was open to this. Unfortunately, she is in our southeast office, but I do have frequent phone interaction with her.

Later in the day after she’d had some time to reflect on our meeting, there was some rationalizing and denial. When she started down that road, I told her rather than looking back to concentrate going forward. She said she needed to rationalize past experiences in order to fully understand. I said, OK, but we need to give it some space, that we’d talked it to death for today. So, I put an end to that!

Only time will tell. Unfortunately, the leadership in the other office wouldn’t belly up to the bar with me. They said, “Oh, we don’t see it.” I told the Office Manager that since the partners don’t see it, I’m certain that she can adjust her behavior for subordinates/peers as she does for the leaders!

It was a long day - I flew out of town, had the review and the discussion about being nice to people and what that looked like, flew home. Days like that are emotionally draining, especially when there’s no support from the leadership in the office. But I’m tough! I know in my heart of hearts that I was honest with her, but yet was compassionate. I told her we’re all human, none of us are perfect, and I’m sure she’d like to change some things about me. I even suggested that once she listens to the recording that she let me know if she sees me as one of the “toxic people” you describe. Tried to even the playing field a bit, not sure if that was good or not, but it felt right.

Further, I called her this morning to check on her, so to speak. We have exchanged calls, but I will touch base with her before end of day.

Probably more than you wanted to know, but I think the tools you are providing are really good. Many thanks.

From Marsha: No I love the detail. Your approach was wonderful.

For the future, here are some suggestions:
Ask the leadership before you make an approach on anyone if it would be helpful for them to have employees more productive. Of course they will say yes – then you back in to your approach on whatever the issue is. Often times I have found, leaders don’t want to upset the applecart!

Then on your approach with the person, identify what you learned from the session, book, etc. then apply it to them. Sometimes that makes the information easier for them to accept.

Anyway – you did a great job! Congratulations!!!! Keep me posted. Marsha

Tags: awareness, coaching, counseling, difficult people, perception, problem people, steamrollers by admin
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