Entries Tagged as 'perception'

Rely on your own perception: dangerous ground in handling difficult people

Ohio UniversityI was watching Ohio University students and a moderator recap the election results from yesterday. One student said that watching only the news is very dangerous ground because it can be slanted one way or the other. Then another student chimed in and said it was also deceiving to only rely on your own perception because of the role modeling and events that have happened to us as individuals. I believe personal responsibility is the key to growing mentally and eliminating the deception of one sided learning and thinking! So watch CNN, Fox, MSNBC, BBC and others, because it is your personal responsibility to broaden your focus AND keep an open mind!

This reminds me of how we handle difficult people. Perception creates our judgment and judgment creates action. Say for example you have to deal with a Back Stabber kind of Toxic Person. Your history with having them nail you when you were not there to defend yourself, creates a perception of will happen. Then your judgment kicks in and says, “See you don’t know how to handle this person again. You are going to get nailed again!” So subconsciously, you decide to either be ticked off or retreat. Neither of these is a good decision, so you deceive yourself by not taking a new approach.

The key? Read and train yourself to understand the other approaches available. If you are a leader, this is critical because you are the role model. For example, learn to have a different response to their ugly behavior by saying something such as, “That did sound like you were serious. Do the rest of you feel that way? Is this becoming a problem?” This will call the behavior of the backstabber. Or try, “I understand you’re unhappy with the plan. Your feedback is important. I want to hear what you think.”

When making decisions by gathering information, learn to ask great questions and keep digging. Learn and use the fogging technique by saying, “You may be right. Could you please help me understand where you are coming from?” The other side of that is to learn how to listen, without judgment, to their response.

Here is the problem. Most people are too lazy to change their perception and they don’t care about the dangerous ground so difficult behavior and toxic people continue to ruin their day! What will you change to grow your perception?

Marsha

Difficult Person - or is it just your perception gone bad?

The last few days I’ve been in San Antonio speaking to the Harley-Davidson Dealer Operations Training.  When I mentioned this to several of my friends, their immediate response was negative.  Why?  Their perception of “HOGS” was totally incorrect!

They were without a doubt one of the most gracious and kind groups I have ever spoken to. With their global success and excellent brand recognition, the exposure to negative comment and perception is great.

So my idea of the day is DON’T GO THERE!  Keep an open mind and form your OWN opinion.

Marsha

Marsha’s Harley-Davidson Univesity Hat

Negative News and Media can make you a Toxic Person

When I boot up my computer in the morning, the first page is always my personalized page from the Wall Street Journal. I used to have it on Fox News but couldn’t stand having the first information in my brain tragic deaths, murders and general world chaos.

I am convinced that you do become what you think about so I make a choice not to start a great day with ugly information. It can make you a Toxic Person! What the WSJ does for me is condenses important factoids into two or three sentences. IF I choose to read more, then I can.

What do you fill your head with? Uglyness immediately in the morning by popping on the TV? Watching Headline News, CNBC or Fox. Here is my challenge to you - stop doing it! Music is good but it is chewing gum for your brain. How about downloading a book or some positive, forward thinking information to give you survival tools. Life is hard, life is unfair … so get over it.

I made that choice a VERY long time ago and am glad I did! Happy listening.

Wall Street JournalMarsha

Smile More!

Smile More!Start noticing how a simple smile makes you feel. Difficult People with Toxic Behaviors smile less. So I plan to just look pleasant more often and not like I am ready to rip peoples throats out.

I was traveling yesterday from Nashville to Chicago and the flight was delayed two hours because of Mechanical problems. I had a choice on how I handled it as did the people behind the counter. They were gracious and compelling with their approach to a bad situation. They helped me think about how productive I could be in writing my next book proposal with two “extra” hours. And I did just that.

In analyzing what was different, it was their entire approach to their job and the travelers. What really put the icing on the delayed flight was what American Airlines and other sponsors are doing for Snowball Express . Check out what is being done for the children of our fallen soldiers, airmen and Marines. This group is reaching out now and far into their future with gatherings and trips for the families and loved ones.

Travel is not fun - but watching others and how they handle the otherwise bad situation, and the contributions others are making, certainly helped me not become a difficult person.

‘Tis the season to be happy and celebrate! Smilin’ Marsha

Happy Thanksgiving - and Gobble!

This day I thankfully accept all of the good things that are coming my way.  This day is full of excitement, love, energy, health, and prosperity.  This day, people are calling on me to be of service to them and I respond by giving my very best.  This day, I think and practice health in my life, refusing to accept anything less than perfect health.

This day, I accept the abundance and prosperity that is mine and willingly share it with others.  This day, I focus on the moment and give no thought to the past or to the future.  This day, I spend in total enjoyment of what I do. This day, I fill with loving thoughts and actions toward all other people and myself.  This day, I spend in grateful appreciation of all that is mine.  This day, this hour, this minute, this moment is all that I have and I choose to use it in celebration.

From the best selling book Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life by Larry Winget

Wishing you the joy of family, friends, and giving thanks on this Thanksgiving Holiday. Take personal responsibility for everything you are thankful for in addition to knowing you, and only you, control your destiny.  Marsha

Toxic People has been nominated for the CEO-READ Business Book Awards.  Please vote for me!  And you can vote more than once!!  Go to www.800ceoread.com/bookawards  - and Thanks!!

Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape
#1 bestseller on the “What Corporate America is Reading” from CEO-Read.
Available at www.Amazon.com and www.BarnesandNoble.com
www.MarshaPetrieSue.com

Toxic Customer Service: how to identify difficult behavior and its influence

Want to have some fun? Type in “Companies that suck in customer service” into your web browser search engine. On last count, there were 1,670,000 web sites, postings, and blogs outlining specific company names and problems displaying difficult people’s behavior. Is your company part of that list? Whether you are the leader of the company, on the maintenance team or anything in between, you should be concerned. The minute a company heads down hill, and many times, it is because of poor customer service results, your job is in jeopardy.

Headlines read: Google to Refund Abandoned Video Customers, to the airlines cutting down on frequent flyer programs like Continental Airlines and Delta , create toxic client behavior and difficult people.

Here is the quick and easy solution:

1. Everyone you touch everyday is your customer and that means everyone. From the gardener to the grocery clerk, the doctor to the door attendant and your partner to your parents (this includes your kids), they are all your clients. Now quit laughing. You must hone your behavior and responses to be consistent 24/7. Taking personal responsibility for all your outcomes is the key.

2. It is the perception of the client that is important and yes, the customer is always right. Of course, some people are not a good fit with your services and products so you refer them to someone else that can build a better relationship. That means you may be giving your competitor business. Because of #1, you may lose great clients and employees to higher ground. If an employee perceives that they are not being treated fairly, they will seek another position.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Rather, ask questions that help clarify the cause of the customer’s problem. Continue to dig by asking questions and paraphrasing their responses.

- Don’t use their name too frequently. Think about how you feel when someone does this to you. Their toxic behavior will be amplified if you do!

- If their assertion is well stated and the conversation is flowing, let them finish two or three comments, then paraphrase. Their anger will heighten if you play their words back to them too frequently.

- Concentrate on listening. Beware that in the moment if you are taking notes, typing or doing something that distracts you from the issue at hand, you are not providing the best in client care. I understand that in some circumstances you need to input the information on the computer so just write down the key words and fill in the blanks later.

- Don’t let your mind wander back to a similar scenario you had and how that was resolved. Stay in the moment. There will be some part of their complaint that is unique and you will miss it if you are into recalling the past.

All a Toxic Client wants is…
- Timely service
- Fast response
- Knowledgeable Customer Service Reps
- Advice and counsel when appropriate
- Accuracy
- Consistent service
- Fair pricing
- Courtesy
- Promises kept

Get in control of customer service and client care. It is your job, no matter what your position, how toxic their behavior is, or how bad your day is.

Please visit www.MarshaPetriesSue.com or email at Marsha@MarshaPetrieSue.com. Marsha’s blog: www.DecontaminateToxicPeople.com

As a professional speaker and author, Marsha Petrie Sue is the Mohammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. She is the author of Toxic People: dealing with difficult people in the workplace without using weapons or duct tape.
Available at major bookstores and online

Toxic Travels

Marsha in Washington DCMarsha in Washington DC

I was thinking about managing Toxic People. I’m returning from Washington DC today and had some wonderful interactions but also encountered some difficult people.

I have determined that the way you were raised determines how you view the world. If you were waised by Toxic People you will have a tendency to become a difficult person. Kind parents - you have a better chance of being a nicer person.

Did your parents teach you to be suspicious of everyone and everything? My mom did. I couldn’t play with Dougie next door because he had “sneaky” eyes. Thanks Mom – lesson learned. Becoming suspicious about everyone and everything was from the role model provided at home.

We had the opportunity to go to a reception and concert at the French Embassy. So decided we should hire a driver so we arrived in style! Well we were quoted one fee - and would up paying another. The Driver got lost, we were late, and he would not even discuss a reduced fee and actually was quite indignant! Can you imagine? He just didn’t understand that my friend that lives there was really going to use his services but NOT NOW!!!

How about you? How do you interact in difficult situations? What were the lessons you use? Train yourself to be self-aware of what you have learned and how that helps (or doesn’t help) you in your mindsight of other people.

The Washington DC situations made me reach deep into my tool box and dig out some better language to use with these Difficult people and Toxic People.

I continue to try to manage my behavior because I want to be the one in control of the situation. How about you? What do you do to manage your anger and management of toxic people? On and my new book, Toxic People: Decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons and duct is now available on www.Amazon.com or on www.BN.com.

Marsha

John Wiley and Sons, New York, has released Marsha’s new book
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape
Order at www.Amazon.com

Phone: 1.866.661.8756 or 480.661.8756
Booking information: 1.888.797.6700
Marsha Petrie Sue - The Decontaminator of Toxic People

Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com

Toxic People at the airport

Yikes. Bad behavior is permeating the airport terminal waiting area. Couples arguing, kids screaming, and just general rudness. Why? I truly it is because the graciousness of society is degrading at a spectacular rate because of the lack of interraction needed to run your life. Computers, cell phones, internet, DVR, and other technology eliminate the need to develop skills of kindness and caring.

As I sit here in the airport, I am making a promise to myself to be especially gracious to others - no matter what their behavior. There are so many difficult people here. How about you? Take this week to focus on being a great communicator, ask interesting and delving questions into what the other person cares about. NOT what is important to you.

Communicate with empathy - with the other person in mind. Step away from the autobiographical approach - with your own agenda in mind. It is so easy to take the self-focus route because it is what you know!

Step out of your comfort zone for a few days. Think about what makes people memorable to you and I’ll bet you find it is because they are more interested in you than themselves!

Cheers, Marsha

www.MarshaPetrieSue.com

Toxic People: decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons or duct tape

Find it in a bookstore near you!

Maturity is Underrated

Maturity is underrated, misunderstood and in a downward spiral. Where will it all end. There is now a new name being given to a disorder that describes people who, in my opinion, don’t use their maturity. It’s called IED or Intermittent Emotional Disorder.

Is this the reason that toxic people and difficult people are on the rise?

More interesting information can be found here.

Interesting how lack of maturity and personal responsibility continue to have backers. People and groups who come up with excuses as to why bad behavior and poor choices are not their fault. Now they have another excuse—IED. Intermittent Emotional Disorder is the tag line being used. In the field of psychology, IED really refers to intermittent EXPLOSIVE disorder and is applied to persons who cannot manage their anger, relationships, and/or themselves.

Here is the answer: When you have the urge to tear someone’s throat out, honk your horn or flip someone an unmentionable sign understand that controlling this emotion is a sign of maturity. Here is what mature people do:

  1. Take a deep breath. This forces the oxygen to your brain so you can think properly. It also eliminates you wanting to put hot pokers in your eyes.
  2. Pause. Give yourself a chance to think. And if you can’t, admit it and call for a time out. A real sign that you are in control of the situation. It will also give you time to put away the weapons and duct tape.
  3. Shift to the left-brain where the proper words and actions live. Your right brain kicks in when you are upset and angry. The mental terrorism will spur you on to impulsive deeds and immature actions. Train yourself to count to ten or say, “this is a test, this is only a test. This will not be important in 100 years.” This will help you to stop “awfulizing.”

Remember you are a role model and people watch your every move. You do it to other people and know they do it to you!
Please visit www.MarshaPetriesSue.com or email at Marsha AT MarshaPetrieSue DOT com. Marsha’s blog: www.DecontaminateToxicPeople.com

As a professional speaker and author, Marsha Petrie Sue is the Mohammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. She is the author of Toxic People: dealing with difficult people in the workplace without using weapons or duct tape.
To her book visit Amazon here.

Laid Off, Ticked Off, and Broke

The housing industry has been good to Jessie. The upturns in the market had provided several years of sizeable commission checks because of the mortgages needed to support all the real estate sales. Because of understanding the market, she knew that it was cyclical and that there could, and probably would be, a downturn. However, the money was great so Jessie decided to ride the wave as long as possible. She just couldn’t leave because the pay was too good!

Just a few weeks ago, the woes of the nation’s housing market slapped Jessie in the pocketbook. The sudden cutbacks were unexpected and she was laid off with no warning. The bills were stacking up and she had nowhere to turn. She had become a victim of circumstance, a toxic person, and a statistic.

How is your industry doing? Since the beginning of 2007, more than 40,000 workers have lost their jobs at mortgage lending institutions, according to recent company layoff announcements and data compiled by global outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas Inc. Meanwhile, construction companies have announced nearly 20,000 job cuts this year, while the National Association of Realtors expects membership rolls to decline this year for the first time in a decade.

If the writing on the wall started in January of 2007, why weren’t more people prepared to face unemployment? It is your personal responsibility to prepare for the best and the worst-case scenarios.

Many, probably most, housing industry employees never planned for a downturn and thought they could ride the wave of the fat paychecks forever. How do you or would you process this industry downturn information?

The choice of accepting and keeping a position is yours. No one held a gun to your head, well, unless you are incarcerated perhaps. The decision to work in a particular industry or study in a particular field is your choice.

Like the housing market, many industries are cyclical and every seven to ten years there is a downturn. So why don’t most people plan for this day? Is it because of the money? Are you caught in this trap?

The favorite excuse for not looking around for different positions is, “I can’t leave what I’m doing because of the pay.” You are in total control of how much you make and where you work.

Three reasons for the “I can’t change because of the money” excuse:
1. You are being paid too much for what you really do.
2. You have not taken inventory of the talents (or lack of talents).
3. You have no idea how to market yourself.

Reason #1. You are being paid too much for what you really do.

If you are overpaid for your job because of company or industry wage standards, you will be out of that job soon. Most industries do have a cycle, so get yourself prepared. This may mean beginning a job search at the height of your earning power. Also, in today’s environment, every leader, manager, and supervisor is looking to cut costs, and the easiest way to do it is to dump the overpriced employees. Leaders can either hire less expensive labor or outsource the job. Fair? Maybe not, but it’s business. Unless you own the company, you are not in control. Period. What you do have is the personal accountability to change your outcomes.

Solution? Ask for assignments that are more difficult. Learn a high level skill. Work harder and smarter. Keep a list of the all the skills you have. Without being a Steamroller or a Know it All let it be known what you are capable of accomplishing. Volunteer to cross train others, lead an improvement team or start a Learn and Burn lunch meeting.

You do have some control over the perception others have of you. So, if you think you’re being paid too much, do something. If you don’t, they will solve the problem for you. When there is a downturn in the market, you will be the first to go.

Reason # 2. You have not taken inventory of the talents. (Or lack of talent)

Right now without too much mental processing, write down the five reasons you are good at your job and why you should not be replaced. You should be able to spout these off as quickly as you say your own name. If you can’t do it, keep a Talent Journal for a few weeks or months.

If you inventory your talents and discover that you aren’t as good as you think you are, here are a few suggestions. What you must do is continue to prove your worth. It really doesn’t matter the level of employment or unemployment, you are in control of continuing to prove the value you bring to the company. Have the people working around you complete a Leadership Scorecard anonymously on you. Find the gaps between your perception of how you work and theirs.

Toot your own horn, speak up, and do your best every day. If the company takes a new direction, implements new software, merges, faces a market turndown, or develops a new product, learn the nuisances and mechanics of making it work. People that wait to be trained or communicated to will be on the chopping block.

So how do you keep updated? Do you Google your company to find out what is being said in the press? Do you pay for training yourself? Are you constantly looking at ways to improve your behavior and self-awareness? If you answered any of these with a no or not a definitive yes, you are in trouble. Sorry for the bad news, but this is the real world.

Your talent may be that you are a pain in the rear. Do you bemoan policy changes? Are you part of the grapevine and catch yourself gossiping? Are you listening to others that are filled with negativity? Do you talk about anyone behind their back? If you said yes to any of these, you are on your way out the door. Companies will not embrace office politics that undermine their cause. They don’t have to. What companies will do is promote people that produce, use fewer resources, manage conflict, work successfully with colleagues, find solutions, and move the company to success. This applies for all kinds of business; so don’t argue that this is not your environment.

Reason # 3. You have no idea how to market yourself.

You are a commodity. Employers buy your talents because of how you have positioned or marketed yourself. What is your marketing plan? When was the last time you updated your resume? And if you did update your resume, do you understand the nuances of resumes in today’s businesses?

Stop and take a hard look at your position, industry, and success. Concentrate on the personal responsibility you can have when it comes to your career and potential. Keep yourself from becoming laid off, ticked off and broke!

Email Marsha for your copy of the The Leadership Scorecard. - Please visit www.MarshaPetriesSue.com or email at Marsha AT MarshaPetrieSue DOT com.

As a professional speaker and author, Marsha Petrie Sue is the Mohammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. She is the author of The CEO of YOU and the soon to be released Toxic People: dealing with difficult people in the workplace without using weapons or duct tape.

www.MarshaPetrieSue.com