Communication - Personal Development - Business

Yesterday was our annual home owners meeting at our cabin in the White Mountains of Arizona. Betsy, our President is just excellent and ran a smooth meeting. When we finished, we had a delightful potluck at the home of one of our neighbors, who had guests visiting from out of state.

The setting is rural and everyone who has chosen to live here, either part or full time, participates in the outdoors in some fashion. Fishing, birding and hiking are certainly our past times!

One of the “guests” became a toxic person and displayed difficult behavior when she walked by two men who were discussing their outdoor adventures. She put her fingers in her ears, and loudly shouted, “la, la, la, la, la…” There should be a TV show called Idiots in Action. This woman could be the poster child.
OMG - the last time I saw that kind of poor behavior was from a five year-old who didn’t want to listen to their parents. The problem? She continued with her ridiculous antics. Even my husband, who never pays attention to that kind of scenario, mentioned it on the way home. It really was that absurd.

For me, it was an excellent display of exactly what I base my presentations and writings on. Open your mind, and remember you don’t have to agree with what is being said. Don’t fall into the trap of people behaving badly, toxic behavior and closed mindedness.

Marsha

Tags: Toxic, communicate, dealing with difficult people, idiots by Marsha
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I’ve been happily married for 15 years and we both hate Valentines Day. Shouldn’t every day be spent caring about your loved one? Why just one day? Does that mean you can be a jerk or a toxic person the rest of the time?

This has not been a focus of mine, until I received a call from the New York Times reporter, Lisa Belkin. She interviewed me for an article for the Styles section about exactly this theme. To view the article click here.

I will cook dinner, we will have an adult beverage, and toast all those people jammed in an already overcrowded restaurant that allows them to chose between two entrée items. Is this romantic? I am convinced that Hallmark and other benefactors of the holiday manufactured Valentine’s Day. Did you know that more than $15 billion (with a B) dollars was spent on this lover’s day in 2007. I’d rather give money to my favorite charity AZ Magic of Music and Dance because I know the special needs kids would certainly appreciate it. Now there is a group filled with love. I refuse to become a difficult person!

I’ll bet even DHL sent out a press release to take advantage of their company exporting over 15 Million stems from Latin America! And why not? I say take advantage of marketing opportunities especially when concocted by someone else just don’t become arrogant or toxic over the situation.

MSNBC has even made news of this Anti focus.
For an alternative history to Valentine’s Day, visit or visit the Anti Valentines Day Spectacular

Need information on booking Marsha for your next event? Please contact Marcia Snow at
mailto:MarciaSnow@MarshaPetrieSue.com.

Tags: bad behavior, communicate, dealing with difficult people, difficult people by Marsha
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First off - thanks to Jezebel for mentioning my article that appeared in the New York Times Thursday by Lisa Belkin. I love it because it is “anti Valentines Day! And to the Business Journal for posting a great article on how to deal with difficult people at work.

The press is wonderful, but it does mean that people “test” me for answers and solutions. We were at a party and there was a very loud, obnoxious   woman sitting next to me at the dinner table. It was made clear that her views were opposite of the six other people dining. The lovely hostess even pulled me in the kitchen to ask for my advice to manage this combination steamroller, know it all, whiner difficult person.

I decided to tell the difficult woman to please lower her voice because, for me, yelling and using a loud, high pitched voice only made me not want to listen to her. And asked, “Do you want me to hear your views?” So she did lower her wine induced volume. Notice I spoke only for myself and not for the rest of the table.

I also mentioned that starting every sentence, as she was, with a “But…” positioned her message in a way that turned me off because she was immediately discounting what I had just said. So at least she stopped the But Habit. I applied a lesson on how to handle difficult people that I constantly talk about in my presentations.

The shame is the other couple got up and went home to the dismay of our wonderful hostess. Here are my considerations after this evening:

1. Sit and say nothing and let her yabber on. Keep drinking wine.

2. Do as I did - just earlier. (Good choice, but not the best)

3. Ask if we can continue this conversation over dessert in the living room. (I think this is the best choice and I learned a valuable lesson on dealing with difficult people.)

Lesson here: when you don’t get the exact outcome you want - evaluate afterwords and have a new approach in your bag of tricks. My motto: if it’s meant to be, it’s up to me! And to quote Babe Ruth - if you continue to do what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. Marsha

Tags: Be Nice, dealing with difficult people, difficult women by Marsha
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One of our readers asked a great questions on how to better manage Toxic Meetings. Use these Quick and Easy steps to STOP THEM and the difficult people in meetings!

My suggestion is to ask the group if they would like to spend less time in meetings and get a raise of hands. On a flip chart or white board, ask them what rules they would like to implement. You can start with a suggestion.

I’ve included some considerations below. Ask for an “OK” that these are acceptable ground rules. Type them out and begin every meeting with these rules to reduce the time spent in meetings.

1. Stick to the agenda
2. One person speaks at a time
3. Begin and end on time
4. Say it once and concisely
5. No interrupting

Put everyone in charges of keeping on target with the rules. Need more? Check out Charlie Hawkins article - good stuff.

Be sure to use these for every meeting to save time and improve productivity!

Need more time savings tips? Need to reduce difficult behavior of co-workers? Click on the links!!

Cheers, Marsha

****************
Refer Marsha for your next meeting, workshop or keynote.
“Our meeting was a tremendous success because of your keynote and concurrent workshop.
Your evaluations were ‘off the charts!’” Jan Waugh, Association of Legal Administrators.
Marsha’s latest book, Toxic People, is in bookstores everywhere
#1 bestseller on the “What Corporate America is Reading” from CEO-Read plus Barnes and Noble and Amazon!
Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or call Marcia Snow at 1.888.797.6700

Tags: communicate, dealing with difficult people, meetings, sanity by admin
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I received this from a reader and thought the response might be enjoyed by all!

“I have just finished reading the book ‘Toxic People’, I think it is great!  Just the thing I need to read before I go back to work after holidays. I have a few changes to make.

Is it possible to have a copy of the Planning worksheet and score card. (E-mail me and I will send these to you!)

I have one question.

If I use the saying, ‘That sounded like a put down. Is that what you meant?’ what do I say next if they answer, ‘Yes!’

Regards
Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Thanks so much for your email.
Your question:
If I use the saying, ‘That sounded like a put down. Is that what you meant?’ what do I say next if they answer, ‘Yes!’
Use the fogging technique - “Well, you may be right.  Can you help me understand what I have done to create the put down.”
Or ask another questions that calls them to task. Dig deeper! I’m guessing that 99.9% of the time they will not say “Yes” – and that we think they will because we take it so personally and it tears at our self confidence!

Does that help?  Marsha

–

Tags: awareness, communications, dealing with difficult people by admin
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I write many articles about dealing with difficult people - and am always pleased when someone picks up on the information and actually uses it!  Laid off, ticked off and broke is one such case.  Check out http://yepiski.blogspot.com/

Always check out other peoples point of view because there is so much to learn about out own toxic behavior and how to handle difficult people and situations!

It is all about Personal Responsibility and making better choices.  Marsha

Tags: awareness, dealing with difficult people, difficult people, laid off, relationships by admin
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Start noticing how a simple smile makes you feel. Difficult People with Toxic Behaviors smile less. So I plan to just look pleasant more often and not like I am ready to rip peoples throats out.

I was traveling yesterday from Nashville to Chicago and the flight was delayed two hours because of Mechanical problems. I had a choice on how I handled it as did the people behind the counter. They were gracious and compelling with their approach to a bad situation. They helped me think about how productive I could be in writing my next book proposal with two “extra” hours. And I did just that.

In analyzing what was different, it was their entire approach to their job and the travelers. What really put the icing on the delayed flight was what American Airlines and other sponsors are doing for Snowball Express . Check out what is being done for the children of our fallen soldiers, airmen and Marines. This group is reaching out now and far into their future with gatherings and trips for the families and loved ones.

Travel is not fun - but watching others and how they handle the otherwise bad situation, and the contributions others are making, certainly helped me not become a difficult person.

‘Tis the season to be happy and celebrate! Smilin’ Marsha

Tags: Be Nice, Goodwill, awareness, bad behavior, calm., dealing with difficult people, perception by admin
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Thank you for all your support!!! Toxic People: decontaminate difficult people at work without using weapons or duct tape is #2 on the What Corporate America is Reading list! Plus it was ranked #16 on the Bookscan Best Seller List!

Check out the article too. My article concerning Difficult People is in Legal Management Magazine.

Tags: Uncategorized, dealing with difficult people by Marsha
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Some of you have responded to the blog on difficult people because of the job market and especially the process of interviewing. Hearing about people that are upset because there are “no jobs out there” or “Poor me, I’ve been laid off” makes me crazy - so here is my take on the subject. Let me know what you think!

You’ve been laid off and have nowhere to go. How is your attitude? Have you become a toxic or difficult person because you are just plain ticked off? Here are some simple tricks to keep you on target:

1. Review the talents you do have and dwell on them.
2. Don’t berate your old job or boss. It will only come back to haunt you.
3. Be proactive. Post your resume on line and stick to it.
4. Realize that you are now in sales and your product is YOU.
5. Better than 68% of people lie on resumes. Don’t even think about it.

So, finally the Human Resources department for the job of your dreams is right around the corner. That posting from Monster.com was finally noticed and has paid off. Now what? Do not allow yourself to become a difficult person during the interview. And this does happen! If you are unprepared, you can become negative, aggressive and will undermine your own communications.

Train yourself to be prepared for any interview. In interviews I’ve done with Human Resource professional, they consistently mention how unprepared job seekers are.

Here is a quick hit list to get you started and keep you on the right track for the interview.
1. Give the single best reason we should consider hiring you over all the others we are considering?
2. If we contact all your previous bosses and/or colleagues, what one trait would they say you could to improve?
3. If you could do any job, in any company, what would be the job and name the company?
4. In detail, define strengths, weaknesses, communication style, management style, personality and values your ideal boss.
5. What questions would you need me to answer for you to determine if this company and this job is what you are best suited to do?
Take personal responsibility for your success. Learn how to create a great interview.

Cheers, Marsha

****************
Refer Marsha for your next meeting, workshop or keynote.
“Our meeting was a tremendous success because of your keynote and concurrent workshop.
Your evaluations were ‘off the charts!’” Jan Waugh, Association of Legal Administrators.
Marsha’s latest book, Toxic People, is in bookstores everywhere
Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com
or call Darlene at 1.888.797.6700

Tags: Job Interviews, awareness, bad behavior, communications, dealing with difficult people, difficult people, employment, hiring, personal marketing, problem people, unemployment by Marsha
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I’ve been asked to submit many articles lately, especially with the release of my book. Check out the latest article about Backstabbers posted at Women’s Media.

Writing the article reminded me that when we look at who we work with everyday, when we evaluate the 2008 elections or whatever our situation is - it is our personal responsibility to learn more and form our own opinions.

Don’t let anyone tell you someone else falls into a difficult behavior or a toxic person category. Learn for yourself. Gather information on your own, question, pay attention and take responsibility for creating your own thoughts.

If someone says another person at work is a backstabber, pay attention to the suspect’s behavior and form your own opinion - and stop relying on the gossip mongers and other difficult people at work!

How about Politics? Read and learn about all candidates credentials, past voting records, displays of toxic behavior and do fit within your core values.

Need more information? Let me know!

Marsha — professional speaker, author and decontaminator of toxic people.

Tags: Backstabbers, Politics, awareness, cooperation, dealing with difficult people, difficult relationships, x-rated behavior by Marsha
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