Communication - Personal Development - Business

I received this email from a reader - thought this might help others if shared.  Instead of becoming a difficult person and a toxic person, he decided to strategize.  VERY smart!

Good Morning Marsha, I was sent your email “laid off,ticked off, and broke” from a loved one.

I read the article and I get it. I just want to provide a little bit of my background so that you may be able to provide some insight for me on my next moves. I have 13 years of IT financial mainframe background with a large bank / IBM. During the last several years in my position I was up training and re-skilling myself to move into another technical area within the bank but in the middle of 2003 was downsized. At the time, the area economy was good and I was not seeing any interest in me, from my local job market. So after my re-tooling and movement into a new technical arena, my age and experience, meet the criteria for outsourcing / downsizing models that were the rage for my sector at the time and moving the family to India was not an option.

Next phase, I was job networking in 03 and choose to move into a profession that had the people relationships, financial and mathematical skills I like and looked like it would be more difficult to outsource, the local home mortgage industry. I know that this industry runs in cycles and looking at it now I got in in mid-down turn and as you have heard is still going down. I did not go into this industry with out doing a lot of homework so the company I was with was great and I was mentored for some time and learned a great deal about the business and I can work for them as long as I wish. The issue is I do not have a large enough past client base to support me through this market, so off to the new job market I go.
I am open to any suggestions that you may have to offer. I am currently looking at mid-large size corporation for a position as a  business analyst or project manager in the IT field again.

Thank you for any assistance.

Here is my response:

In today’s market, companies look for talents not industry experience.  Figure out the benefit to ANY company and write a resume around that.
Example – problem solving, project management, prioritization, conflict resolution, negotiating and such.  In a growth economy, which I believe ours it, there is always room for great people!

Have you posted on Monster.com or other sites like that?  Marsha

–
John Wiley and Sons, New York, will be releasing Marsha’s latest book October 9, 2007.
Preorder at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or www.Amazon.com
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape

Phone:  1.866.661.8756 or 480.661.8756
Booking information:  1.888.797.6700
Marsha Petrie Sue - The Accountability Master

Tags: calm., coaching, communications, counseling, difficult people, laid off, personal marketing, turnover, unemployment by admin
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I was trying to put up with a difficult person and realized it was my job to take a different approach because everything I was trying was failing! I dug deep in my tool box and as I passed the Duct Tape and came on a tool that I had forgotten to use.

Listening! Did you know that silence and listen use the same letters? There is a clue there.
Listen for a change. Amazingly, conflict is reduced and many times Toxic People are even pleasant communicators.

Become a great listener. It will resolve toxic situations and separate you from the masses. Most people have no clue the importance of this skill.

Quick hit list for great listening:
1. Keep an open mind
2. Stop talking
3. Turn off your self-talk (see chapter 14 Mental Looting)
4. Start listening
5. Ask questions to find out more
6. Keep listening

So put the duct tape on YOUR mouth!

Get the CD here and become a better listener!

John Wiley and Sons, New York, will be releasing Marsha’s latest book September 29, 2007.
Preorder at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or www.Amazon.com
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape

Phone: 1.866.661.8756 or 480.661.8756
Booking information: 1.888.797.6700
Marsha Petrie Sue - The Decontaminator of Toxic People

Tags: coaching, coaching difficult employees, communications, counseling, dealing with difficult bosses, dealing with difficult people, listening by Marsha
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From one of my readers in asking them how a coaching session went with a “Steamroller” employee:

Well, it went! I can tell you I got her attention. I showed her the notes that I took from the session recording - pretty much verbatim - as you explained the characteristics of a “steamroller.” I was careful to tell her that I wasn’t “labeling” her, but that when I attended the session and you described the steamroller, I thought of her. She said she didn’t want to be seen as a steamroller, nor was she aware of being perceived as described in your session.

I’m sending her the session recording today along with the handouts from your session. Awareness is the first step, right? I told her that I was going to call it to her attention whenever I was aware of her steamrolling someone or when I felt she was steamrolling someone in an email. She was open to this. Unfortunately, she is in our southeast office, but I do have frequent phone interaction with her.

Later in the day after she’d had some time to reflect on our meeting, there was some rationalizing and denial. When she started down that road, I told her rather than looking back to concentrate going forward. She said she needed to rationalize past experiences in order to fully understand. I said, OK, but we need to give it some space, that we’d talked it to death for today. So, I put an end to that!

Only time will tell. Unfortunately, the leadership in the other office wouldn’t belly up to the bar with me. They said, “Oh, we don’t see it.” I told the Office Manager that since the partners don’t see it, I’m certain that she can adjust her behavior for subordinates/peers as she does for the leaders!

It was a long day - I flew out of town, had the review and the discussion about being nice to people and what that looked like, flew home. Days like that are emotionally draining, especially when there’s no support from the leadership in the office. But I’m tough! I know in my heart of hearts that I was honest with her, but yet was compassionate. I told her we’re all human, none of us are perfect, and I’m sure she’d like to change some things about me. I even suggested that once she listens to the recording that she let me know if she sees me as one of the “toxic people” you describe. Tried to even the playing field a bit, not sure if that was good or not, but it felt right.

Further, I called her this morning to check on her, so to speak. We have exchanged calls, but I will touch base with her before end of day.

Probably more than you wanted to know, but I think the tools you are providing are really good. Many thanks.

From Marsha: No I love the detail. Your approach was wonderful.

For the future, here are some suggestions:
Ask the leadership before you make an approach on anyone if it would be helpful for them to have employees more productive. Of course they will say yes – then you back in to your approach on whatever the issue is. Often times I have found, leaders don’t want to upset the applecart!

Then on your approach with the person, identify what you learned from the session, book, etc. then apply it to them. Sometimes that makes the information easier for them to accept.

Anyway – you did a great job! Congratulations!!!! Keep me posted. Marsha

Tags: awareness, coaching, counseling, difficult people, perception, problem people, steamrollers by admin
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