Communication - Personal Development - Business

Most men will not even remember reading this blog. Don’t take my word for it, read Leadership and the Sexes: Using Gender Science to Create Success in Business by Michael Gurian and Barbara Annis. Their findings are helping business communities and leadership improve communication, team development and general gender concerns.

Here are some of their findings and my solutions:
1. Men are more apt to zone out in a meeting since their brains are designed to enter a “rest state” more easily than women. My solution: Change the energy in the meeting every 6 – 8 minutes by telling a story, asking the group to write something down, share a thought with the person sitting next to them, or ask for feedback round robin style. Be creative.
2. Women will have a tendency to run off topic because their personal development has encouraged them to multitask. My solution: in the ground rules of the meeting, focus on sticking to the agenda. Any participant can bring the group back to task. Have a “parking lot” so if something is brought up off the agenda, it can be posted and considered for another meeting.

These are just two ideas of many covered. You can preorder the book on Amazon.com. This book could be used to expand negotiating skills, solve communication problems and create an expanded professional component. It is all about self-awareness and understanding gender issue, and is certainly big in corporate setting and any business environment.

I do discuss gender differences in conflict in the Toxic People book and also on the audio version of the book. I should mention too that if you sign up for my monthly newsletter on www.MarshaPetrieSue.com you would receive a download of a very cool Toxic People podcast for your iPod or MP3.
Your comments are always appreciated and I love receiving emails from you and especially the blog posts. Thanks!!

Marsha

Tags: Gender differences, ability, communicate, communications, difficult people, personal responsibility by Marsha
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A friend just returned home from the hospital and we wanted to send her something she really enjoys - not the same old flower delivery. I went on line and ordered her Mrs. Fields Cookies - her favorite. I order tons of stuff on line and have NEVER received a wonderful response and customer service as I did from Jacob. What did I learn about communicating results for business?

1. Make it personal - not a mass email to sign up for stuff I don’t care about.

2. Make it easy - tell me why I should do business with you.

3. Make is short - I don’t need a litany of products. I will know what I want when I need it!

Here is the email from Mrs. Fields…

Hello,
I am a service associate with Mrs. Fields Corporate Services Division and I wanted to thank you for the order you placed with us Online. If you have any gift-giving needs in the future, I would like to help you make the order process as “sweet” and simple as possible. I can help you with product selection, quantity discounts, customized gifts, and much more! If you have future orders whether it be one gift or many please let me know. We also offer customization on several of our gifts. We have an in house print shop that can place your company logo on one of many cookie tins or ribbons. If you have any questions or would like to set up a corporate account, my information is listed below. Thanks again for your order, we really do appreciate your business.

Best regards,

Jacob Perry, Corporate Sales
1717 S 4800 W, Salt Lake City, UT 84104
Phone: 801.412.8832 Fax: 800.878.8858
jperry@mrsfields.com <mailto:jperry@mrsfields.com>
“Making Gift Giving Sweet & Simple”

They have my business!!! Marsha

(email me for the Ten Commandments to Cooperation)

Marsha@MarshaPetrieSue.com

Tags: communications, customer service by Marsha
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I enjoy receiving requests for help and guidance from readers. Here is one concerning a Backstabber in the office. How is your personal development? Do you have the communication skills to handle a situation like this? My comments are in ALL CAPS (AND I’M NOT SCREAMING!)

“A long-time employee in our office, who is respected by all of the companies shareholders, is a challenging person for her coworkers to work with. In the years I have worked with her, her interactions with me have always been positive. She is very skilled at projecting the desired image to those she perceives to be in positions of authority or power.”

“She is described by her coworkers: Will not share information about clients that others need. If directly asked for the information, she will respond with ‘I’ll take care of it’ and then may not take care of it, but may just wait for the other person to handle it wrong.
TRY THE ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION MODLE: IT MIGHT SOUND SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
1. THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF THIS
2. I NEED TO HAVE THIS COMPLETED BY __________ FOR ______________.
3. WILL IT BE DONE BY ______________ OR ______________
(AN ALTERNATIVE)
SHOULD I CHECK BACK WITH YOU ON __________ OR ________________.
4. THEN IF IT DOES COME BACK AND IS A MESS – USE:
IN THE FUTURE, I NEED TO MAKE SURE THIS IS COMPLETED. SO I WILL MAKE SURE I GET A CONFIRMING EMAIL OFF TO YOU BECAUSE I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT NOT BEING COMPLETED PROPERLY BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHECK IN WITH YOU OR PERHAPS WASN’T CLEAR ON WHAT NEEDED TO BE COMPLETED.

And the scenarion continues. “She is often very crabby with other staff - never with the shareholders.”
CALL THE BEHAVIOR. ASK HER, HAVE I DONE SOMETHING TO PERSONALLY UPSET YOU?

“Will not take responsibility for her mistakes - blames others.” (SEE MODEL ABOVE AND I WOULD RECOMMEND WRITING IT OUT SO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH RESPONSE.

“She likes to stir up trouble but feigns ignorance if directly asked about it.” THAT SOUNDED LIKE A PUT DOWN. IS THAT WHAT YOU MEANT? IF NOT, HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM.

THE QUESTION IS – DOES HER BEHAVIOR PERSONALLY EFFECT YOU? IF NOT, IT IS IMPORTANT TO GIVE OTHER PEOPLE THE SUGGESTIONS AND HELP WITH THEIR COMMUNICATION SKILLS, BUT NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM FOR THEM. I BELIEVE THAT IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO IMPROVE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE, UNLESS YOU WORK AS THE MEDIATOR WITH BOTH OF THEM IN THE SAME ROOM.

Marsha

Tags: Backstabbers, bad behavior, communications by Marsha
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We are huge College Sports fans and especially University of Tennessee. The Lady Vols won the National Basketball Championship last night. Pat Summit, their coach, is the perfect role model and mentor in communications, motivation and leadership. The game was supposed to be very close. They won handily over Stanford.

My step daughter, Karen, sent me this email and I believe there is a lesson here for us all… Don’t let your mouth over load your goals.

“‘I don’t know if you watched any of the pre-game stuff, but they talked about how SMART the Stanford women had to be just to get in (in my opinion implying that the TN gals were a bunch of morons)…one of their players said “Sure, Candace can dunk, but I’d like to challenge her to a “math-athon”. Well, they better stick to math because TN outran them, out rebounded them and flat out made them look like a bunch “math-chicks” trying to play basketball…

So, for our more challenged TN players, the math is simple: 7 + 1 = 8 National Championships!!! Lady Vols Rock!’”  Karen

Thirty-four seasons ago, after Pat Summitt had coached her first game at Tennessee, she phoned home. “Did you win?” her father, Richard Head, asked. “No sir, we got beat.” “By how much?” “One point.”

There was a long pause, and as Summitt feared that her father would blame her, he said: “Let me just tell you one thing, Trisha. Don’t take donkeys to the Kentucky Derby.” Pat’s father talking to her after her first lost of her coaching career. Apparently it paid off in her managing and leading young women to success!

They continue in the article “The message was a valuable one: The best coaches had the best players. Tennessee (36-2) clearly did Tuesday night in winning its second consecutive national championship and eighth over all with a 64-48 victory over Stanford.”

The lesson here for all of us? Communicate well, lead the way you want to be, and let focus and discipline be your middle names! Marsha

Tags: Bragging, communicate, communications by Marsha
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Have you ever messed up so bad that you were embarrassed to even bring it up no less apologize? I have and I did! I was scheduled for a professional development meeting and missed the start time. Being late is rude, unprofessional, and intolerable. My internal communication went wild.

In my ultimate wisdom, I “upgraded” technology meaning my world has been turned upside down. My mind is spilling over with new gadgetry including an iCal calendar that I have been told is much better than anything on the market. Grind that up with a new “upgraded” iPhone cell phone, and I am totally nuts.

The good news is my learning curve is being challenged… and I like that. The bad news is I was fifteen minutes late for a meeting that involved a large group of people. Beating myself up will not solve anything. Evaluating the “why” part of my tardiness and time management I believe will … as I take personal responsibility for my screw up.

Here’s what I’ve learned in the last 24 hours.
I have too much on my plate and I’ve done it all myself. Solution: prioritize with new eyes. Larry Winget, my mentor and friend, said “Stop everything except your personal life and your business. You have plenty of time for the rest AFTER your business is where you want it.”

Trying to satisfy everyone else and being “nice” to everyone that asks for anything is not always the best choice. Solution: every time I say “yes” to anything and put something on my calendar, ask myself, “Is this activity going to move me closer or further away from my goals.”

When I do make a mistake, understand why and stop beating myself up. Solution: Say I’m sorry, ask for forgiveness, learn from it, and move on. (Easier said than done!)

I received over 150 emails from people concerned that I was beating myself up - and sharing their wonderful words. People are just wonderful! Now that did me good! I am just grateful that I took the time to send an email of apology rather than hide. It helped me win the war on mental terrorism.

Thank you, Marsha

Tags: apology, communicate, communications, forgiveness, mental terrorism by Marsha
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I hooked myself into Donald Trump’s, The Celebrity Apprentice and was baffled last week when Piers Morgan won over Trace Adkins.

Trace seemed to be the “Good” and Piers seemed to be the “Evil.” In the boardroom with Trump, Piers made it all to clear that The Celebrity Apprentice was all about communications, business and focus. His comment was right on. Mr. Trump had specifically directed the contestants that the crown would be awarded to whomever raised the most amount of money and they would be declared the winner. It was not about being “nice” or “liked.” Piers listened to the instructions and proceeded to accomplish the assignment. And the winner is communications.

By the way, Omorosa is an idiot. Talk about poor communications and her dumb comment about Piers and getting his teeth cleaned. She had an opportunity to shine through her communications. How many opportunities have you had to stand out and just didn’t have the right words? I know I have had plenty and am constantly learning to be a better communicator and speaker. Need some guidance?

Think about American Idol. It is now down to personality not talent in my opinion. Which of the contestants do you think comes across as a self confident (not arrogant), poised, and energized person? The viewers will forgive a “pitch” problem if they have formed a connection with the singer. Was Ramiele, who was voted off, confident when interviewed. Nope. She looked and sounded terrified. Her eye contact with the camera was weak, her voice wained, and her body language was less almost fetal. When she was working with Dolly Parton (and they are about the same size), Dolly was much easier to watch because of her polished communications.

How is your communication skill? Have you developed a self help habit to constantly strengthen each interaction? It is your responsibility to focus on your own personal development. No one else will. So what is your next step?

There is no reason why everyone shouldn’t be better communicators and place themselves in the winner circle. I believe the reason is because people are too lazy to get out of their comfort zone and learn a new approach…then actually use it. As a professional speaker, this is the number one requested topic and then right along with communications is dealing with difficult people. Number ONE! Every time I keynote a meeting, people will say, “Thanks I needed that.”

Marsha

ps: Did you click on the word listen for your complimentary download?

Tags: ability, communicate, communications, listening by Marsha
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The information that is available to each of us continues to amaze me. My cousin in Florida sent me this link on Jill Taylor’s TED Talk. I thought, “Oh boy, another email that has fwd: in the subject line” - but for some reason I clicked on the link … and am glad I did. My personal development and professional communications has improved from the information. Do you pay attention to the good information available or are you too self absorbed to expand your knowledge?

That statement may be abrasive to you, but you can’t get better without allowing time for learning more about how your brain works. It is our personal responsibility to find the time to do this!

I often talk about the right and left brain and how it shapes our thinking and most of all our communications. The amazing story of Jill’s stroke and how, as a scientist, she was able to really analyze (during the stroke!!) what was happening to her. Just amazing.

The trick for each of us is to understand how our brain works, and embrace the control we do have. If you get ticked off, it’s your fault and you have become a toxic person. If you say something inappropriate, it’s your fault. If the outcomes you have in relationships are bad, it’s your fault. Plain and simple, everyone must take personal responsibility for life.

Marsha 

Tags: communicate, communications, personal responsibility, think by Marsha
1 Comment »

I was recently asked by a reader how they could possibly be overlooked as an expert on the job when, in fact, they are the expert and someone else is getting the credit.  Here are the facts.  If you don’t let people know how good they are, they will never know!

You must blow your own horn without becoming arrogant or a pain in the rear.  It is just that simple.  In the fast paced word of business today, leaders just don’t have time to seek you out.  You must take the lead.

Keep a success journal so when it’s time for your review and appraisal you have a tool that will recap all the great things you have done. Uncover problems and issues before anyone else does and take a couple of solutions to the team or your leader.  This is where stars are born.

In addition, do not take it personally when they don’t recognize your contributions. Do take control so that your lack of speaking up doesn’t hold you back in your job success! Learn to promote yourself!

The only two helping hands you will ever have are at the end of your elbows.

Marsha

****************
Refer Marsha for your next meeting, workshop or keynote.
“Our meeting was a tremendous success because of your keynote and concurrent workshop.
Your evaluations were ‘off the charts!’” Jan Waugh, Association of Legal Administrators.
Marsha’s latest book, Toxic People, is in bookstores everywhere
#1 bestseller on the “What Corporate America is Reading” from CEO-Read plus Barnes and Noble and Amazon!
Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or call Marcia at 1.888.797.6700

Tags: communicate, communications, hiring, job success, promote yourself, success by admin
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I received this from a reader and thought the response might be enjoyed by all!

“I have just finished reading the book ‘Toxic People’, I think it is great!  Just the thing I need to read before I go back to work after holidays. I have a few changes to make.

Is it possible to have a copy of the Planning worksheet and score card. (E-mail me and I will send these to you!)

I have one question.

If I use the saying, ‘That sounded like a put down. Is that what you meant?’ what do I say next if they answer, ‘Yes!’

Regards
Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Thanks so much for your email.
Your question:
If I use the saying, ‘That sounded like a put down. Is that what you meant?’ what do I say next if they answer, ‘Yes!’
Use the fogging technique - “Well, you may be right.  Can you help me understand what I have done to create the put down.”
Or ask another questions that calls them to task. Dig deeper! I’m guessing that 99.9% of the time they will not say “Yes” – and that we think they will because we take it so personally and it tears at our self confidence!

Does that help?  Marsha

–

Tags: awareness, communications, dealing with difficult people by admin
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Whether you are dealing with a Backstabber, Steamroller, Know-it-All or any other type of difficult behavior identified in Toxic People, fill your tool case with as much information as possible.  I just ordered the Microexpressions CD from Paul Ekman www.paulekman.com. 

This is a great tool that I think everyone should use and learn from.  Make sure your bucket is filled to the top with ideas you can apply every day!  Just a thought.

It is our job to learn how to handle difficult people!  Happy New Year.  It will be a GREAT ‘08.  Marsha

Tags: Backstabbers, awareness, bad behavior, communications, difficult people, microexpressions, personal responsibility, sanity by admin
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