I received this from a reader and thought the response might be enjoyed by all!

“I have just finished reading the book ‘Toxic People’, I think it is great!  Just the thing I need to read before I go back to work after holidays. I have a few changes to make.

Is it possible to have a copy of the Planning worksheet and score card. (E-mail me and I will send these to you!)

I have one question.

If I use the saying, ‘That sounded like a put down. Is that what you meant?’ what do I say next if they answer, ‘Yes!’

Regards
Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth,

Thanks so much for your email.
Your question:
If I use the saying, ‘That sounded like a put down. Is that what you meant?’ what do I say next if they answer, ‘Yes!’
Use the fogging technique - “Well, you may be right.  Can you help me understand what I have done to create the put down.”
Or ask another questions that calls them to task. Dig deeper! I’m guessing that 99.9% of the time they will not say “Yes” – and that we think they will because we take it so personally and it tears at our self confidence!

Does that help?  Marsha

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Tags: awareness, communications, dealing with difficult people by admin
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Whether you are dealing with a Backstabber, Steamroller, Know-it-All or any other type of difficult behavior identified in Toxic People, fill your tool case with as much information as possible.  I just ordered the Microexpressions CD from Paul Ekman www.paulekman.com. 

This is a great tool that I think everyone should use and learn from.  Make sure your bucket is filled to the top with ideas you can apply every day!  Just a thought.

It is our job to learn how to handle difficult people!  Happy New Year.  It will be a GREAT ‘08.  Marsha

Tags: Backstabbers, awareness, bad behavior, communications, difficult people, microexpressions, personal responsibility, sanity by admin
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Here is the real deal - STOP fooling yourself by setting new years resolution that you won’t take personal responsibility for achieving! Have you ever set a goal to lose weight - then don’t? I have and just get ticked off with myself.

Pledge to yourself that you will improve your health and have more energy. That is the focus that helps. Here is some interesting information I read this morning about losing weight from the Collage Video newsletter and interestingly the focus is on high and low intensity exercise as well as SLEEP!!!

Weight loss tip: Get more sleep!

Columbia University researchers have rediscovered the importance of sleep. “People who sleep less than five hours per night are twice as likely to be obese.”

Why? Previous studies had found that missing sleep reduces leptin. That’s a hormone that helps control hunger by sending signals to the brain — “it tells the brain that we need more calories, and hunger is stimulated.”

So, a good New Year’s resolution: More exercise and more sleep!

Give your New Year’s resolutions a good look and you will have the same.

Marsha

Tags: Goal setting, personal responsibility, weight loss by admin
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No matter what you celebrate this time of year, I wish you joy, happiness and peace. We celebrate Christmas and when our family and friends gather, we take the opportunity to thank the Lord for our blessings. I believe it is my right and your right to enjoy the season however we wish and communicate it in the best way we possibly can from our heart.

I hope you enjoy your family no matter what form it takes; feel good about all your relationships, even the “not perfect” ones and be grateful for whom you have become. Focus on continuing to create a full life, both professionally and personally. Live by your core values and with every moment, remember that you are in total control of your choices.

Wishing your the best of Holidays, and a Merry Christmas. It’s going to be a great 2008! Cheers,

Tags: Be Nice, Difficult Family Members, communicate, cooperation, kindness by admin
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I was interviewed today by a reporter and she told me about the Rules for Being Human. These are wonderful! Please pass them on and share!!!

The Rules for being Human

When you were born, you didn’t come with an owner’s manual; these guidelines make life work better. 1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called “Life on Planet Earth”. Every person or incident is the Universal Teacher.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation. “Failures” are as much a part of the process as “success.”

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. It is presented to you in various forms until you learn it — then you can go on to the next lesson.

5. If you don’t learn easy lessons, they get harder. External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state. When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes. Pain is how the universe gets your attention.

6. You will know you’ve learned a lesson when your actions change. Wisdom is practice. A little of something is better than a lot of nothing.

7. “There” is no better than “here”. When your “there” becomes a “here” you will simply obtain another “there” that again looks better than “here.”

8. Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate in yourself.

9. Your life is up to you. Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life — or someone else will.

10. You always get what you want. Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract — therefore, the only foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.

11. There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences. Moralizing doesn’t help. Judgments only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.

12. Your answers lie inside you. Children need guidance from others; as we mature, we trust our hearts, where the Laws of Spirit are written. You know more than you have heard or read or been told. All you need to do is to look, listen, and trust.

13. You will forget all this.

14. You can remember any time you wish.

(From the book “If Life is a Game, These are the Rules” by Cherie Carter-Scott)

Enjoy! Marsha

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I had a question from a Fortune 100 company about steps to manage a reorganization - especially when you have difficult people to manage. Having presented to this company for many years, here is the process I suggested. They are given the companies expected outcomes and projects involved and asked to present a list of their preferences.

1. Evaluate the talents of all team members. Include systems they have worked with, successful projects, and all components of project management. Have each member put their “talents” on post-it notes. Have each member go to a plain wall group post-it notes appropriately in similar columns. Read Joe Calloway’s book, “Work Like You’re Showing Off” and Larry Winget’s “Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life.”

2. Discuss what kinds of projects, in general, the group enjoys completing. When people work on anything they enjoy, time flies and the work results are even better. Keep in mind that high visibility, high payoff projects are good career moves, but also consider the “ugly step-sister” projects where the team can be a hero.

3. Create a “best project” list and identify the actions that are needed to successfully complete the work. Think like you own the company and your money is financing the efforts. Include deadlines and time lines for each item.

4. Assign project steps to individuals and start looking at team leads. Each team member should sign a pledge of endorsement and commitment. As companies continue to work at lightening speed, there needs to be fall back plans for managing difficult people (whether internal or external.) Email me for a pledge from Toxic People that you can use for this.

5. Present your proposal professionally. This is learned and most professionals don’t do a very good job of this. Their intent is lost in their nervousness and poor planning. Need more information? Email me for a special message on presentation skills. Just let me know how I can help.

Stick your neck out on that re-org path. It is your job to make sure everything goes smoothly, whether the CEO of the company or any other position.

Marsha

Marsha Petrie Sue, professional speaker and author, is the Mohammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. From Dave Rawles – President, Career Solutions

Visit the website for more information www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or call Darlene at 1.888.797.6700
Author of Toxic People: Dealing with Difficult People at work without using weapons or duct tape
#1 bestseller on the “What Corporate America is Reading” from CEO-Read.

Tags: awareness, communicate, cooperation, reorganization, team management by admin
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So how do you set goals? Use techniques like Oprah and Zig Ziglar who I personally admire for their total focus on what they want.

1. Ask yourself - if time and money were not an object - what would I be doing?

2. Write down ten words quickly that identify 10 goals you have concerning #1

3. Using the affirmation technique, write your goal as though you have already achieved it because what the mind perceives your mind believes.

4. Read your goals at least weekly to plant the seed of the goal in your mind because what the mind perceives the mind believes.

5. Ask questions and post comments on goal setting - it keeps you focused on what is important!

Marsha

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I write many articles about dealing with difficult people - and am always pleased when someone picks up on the information and actually uses it!  Laid off, ticked off and broke is one such case.  Check out http://yepiski.blogspot.com/

Always check out other peoples point of view because there is so much to learn about out own toxic behavior and how to handle difficult people and situations!

It is all about Personal Responsibility and making better choices.  Marsha

Tags: awareness, dealing with difficult people, difficult people, laid off, relationships by admin
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Pearl Harbor Day is a time for reflection. We should all take a moment and thank the people protecting our freedoms - our men and women in the service - and those who have so bravely protected our country.  Be sure to thank people in uniform when you see them.

Shame on NBC  for refusing to air ads thanking our troops over the holidays!  Talk about Toxic People!!!  And why does difficult people behavior seem to permeate the media? It does make me crazy.

Support the troops!
*******************************
Stress free giving…
Gift three or more Toxic People Books and Marsha will autograph each book, wrap them in gold foil and send them directly to you!  No shipping or handling either! Check the Holiday Special at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com for the special!

Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape
#1 bestseller on the “What Corporate America is Reading” from CEO-Read.
Available at www.Amazon.com and www.BarnesandNoble.com
www.MarshaPetrieSue.com

Tags: Media, awareness, communicate, cooperation, difficult people, make a difference by admin
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