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Maturity is Underrated

Maturity is underrated, misunderstood and in a downward spiral. Where will it all end. There is now a new name being given to a disorder that describes people who, in my opinion, don’t use their maturity. It’s called IED or Intermittent Emotional Disorder.

Is this the reason that toxic people and difficult people are on the rise?

More interesting information can be found here.

Interesting how lack of maturity and personal responsibility continue to have backers. People and groups who come up with excuses as to why bad behavior and poor choices are not their fault. Now they have another excuse—IED. Intermittent Emotional Disorder is the tag line being used. In the field of psychology, IED really refers to intermittent EXPLOSIVE disorder and is applied to persons who cannot manage their anger, relationships, and/or themselves.

Here is the answer: When you have the urge to tear someone’s throat out, honk your horn or flip someone an unmentionable sign understand that controlling this emotion is a sign of maturity. Here is what mature people do:

  1. Take a deep breath. This forces the oxygen to your brain so you can think properly. It also eliminates you wanting to put hot pokers in your eyes.
  2. Pause. Give yourself a chance to think. And if you can’t, admit it and call for a time out. A real sign that you are in control of the situation. It will also give you time to put away the weapons and duct tape.
  3. Shift to the left-brain where the proper words and actions live. Your right brain kicks in when you are upset and angry. The mental terrorism will spur you on to impulsive deeds and immature actions. Train yourself to count to ten or say, “this is a test, this is only a test. This will not be important in 100 years.” This will help you to stop “awfulizing.”

Remember you are a role model and people watch your every move. You do it to other people and know they do it to you!
Please visit www.MarshaPetriesSue.com or email at Marsha AT MarshaPetrieSue DOT com. Marsha’s blog: www.DecontaminateToxicPeople.com

As a professional speaker and author, Marsha Petrie Sue is the Mohammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. She is the author of Toxic People: dealing with difficult people in the workplace without using weapons or duct tape.
To her book visit Amazon here.

Skills That Reduce Employee Turnover

It’s not just me that thinks there is a plethora of difficult people and toxic situations!

There is more good information there. And here is more from me! Let me know what you think!!!

The soft skills that reduce turnover, improve outcomes and build profitability include:

  • Communication Skills – developing flexibility to others’ styles.

Consideration: provide training of leaders and employees to magnify the importance of personal responsibility by increasing self-awareness.

  • Conflict Management – learning to use conflict as a brainstorming and creativity tool

Consideration: create mentoring and coaching opportunities for individuals struggling with interpersonal skills.

  • Relationship Building – strengthening every person’s diverse connections.

Consideration: walk your talk whether at work or at home to become a better role model in relationship development.

  • Team Building – building teams that function through chaos, too much to do and not enough time.

Consideration: provide team-building activities whether through assessment tools, buying a cake for celebration or having a simple potluck.

  • Empathetic Listening Skills – Hearing the message from every person and keeping an open mind.

Consideration: learn to put your own thoughts aside, stop thinking about what you will say next and really hear what the concerns of the other person.

  •   Building Self-Awareness – understanding individual preferences to heighten flexibility in all situations.

Consideration: Develop the attitude of a life-long learner and read about human behavior. This is guaranteed to help you both personally and professionally.

Having queried thousands of people in all types of organizations, I have found these six elements to be the resounding issues that all employees want to improve. Many consider these soft skills. If, as Daniel Goleman says, they do contribute to the financial strength of the organization, it becomes prudent to increase training budgets and engage every person in a “winning together” focus. The term of becoming a “learning organization” has never been more important.

Download  this with my compliments and let me know what you think!

Cheers, Marsha www.MarshaPetrieSue.com

Listening Skills Download for you!  My compliments.

Laid off plan of attack

I received this email from a reader - thought this might help others if shared.  Instead of becoming a difficult person and a toxic person, he decided to strategize.  VERY smart!

Good Morning Marsha, I was sent your email “laid off,ticked off, and broke” from a loved one.

I read the article and I get it. I just want to provide a little bit of my background so that you may be able to provide some insight for me on my next moves. I have 13 years of IT financial mainframe background with a large bank / IBM. During the last several years in my position I was up training and re-skilling myself to move into another technical area within the bank but in the middle of 2003 was downsized. At the time, the area economy was good and I was not seeing any interest in me, from my local job market. So after my re-tooling and movement into a new technical arena, my age and experience, meet the criteria for outsourcing / downsizing models that were the rage for my sector at the time and moving the family to India was not an option.

Next phase, I was job networking in 03 and choose to move into a profession that had the people relationships, financial and mathematical skills I like and looked like it would be more difficult to outsource, the local home mortgage industry. I know that this industry runs in cycles and looking at it now I got in in mid-down turn and as you have heard is still going down. I did not go into this industry with out doing a lot of homework so the company I was with was great and I was mentored for some time and learned a great deal about the business and I can work for them as long as I wish. The issue is I do not have a large enough past client base to support me through this market, so off to the new job market I go.
I am open to any suggestions that you may have to offer. I am currently looking at mid-large size corporation for a position as a  business analyst or project manager in the IT field again.

Thank you for any assistance.

Here is my response:

In today’s market, companies look for talents not industry experience.  Figure out the benefit to ANY company and write a resume around that.
Example – problem solving, project management, prioritization, conflict resolution, negotiating and such.  In a growth economy, which I believe ours it, there is always room for great people!

Have you posted on Monster.com or other sites like that?  Marsha


John Wiley and Sons, New York, will be releasing Marsha’s latest book October 9, 2007.
Preorder at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or www.Amazon.com
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape

Phone:  1.866.661.8756 or 480.661.8756
Booking information:  1.888.797.6700
Marsha Petrie Sue - The Accountability Master

Toxic Procrastination

20% of the people admit to procrastinating on most everything. My opinion is that this is a learned habit that can be unlearned. You know what it does to to your completion of projects, missed deadlines, piles of paper on your desk and more.

How about procrastination on personal commitments - like exercise. I’ve had to train myself not to procrastinate on this one. So here are my easy steps to get back in the “exercise mode” and stop making excuses.

1. Commit to being healthy. Exercise releases endorphins into your over stressed system and counteracts all the stress hormones like cortisol and adrenalin.

2. Quit making excuses. If you like music, get a DVD with the music you like and believe me, I have a TON of DVD’s because I have the attention span of a gnat so have give myself variety. My latest you might ask? Hip Hop Abs Total Body Workout. What a hoot. 45 minutes of fun - and sweat!

3. Lay your workout clothes right next to your bed. Get up in your sleepy stupor, put them on, brush your teeth (optional), and walk yourself to the TV turn it on and work out.

4. I put a bottle of water out the night before with my towel so I don’t even have to think about that!

5. DO NOT do anything else. Like turn on your computer or the coffee pot. (OK, if there is one button to press that is alright) Even these simple tasks will distract you and give you an excuse not exercise.

I am very serious about this exercise ritual. One third of the kids between 2 and 19 are obese. How sad is that?

The costs to YOU because of adult obesity, is out of control. We are experiencing the strain on our healthcare system too.

So stop procrastinating, start taking control!

More on this later!!! MarshaGo for the Gold CD’s


John Wiley and Sons, New York, will be releasing Marsha’s latest book September 29, 2007.
Preorder at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or www.Amazon.com
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape

Phone: 1.866.661.8756 or 480.661.8756
Booking information: 1.888.797.6700
Marsha Petrie Sue - The Accountability Master

Silence is Golden: Duct Tape is Silver

I was trying to put up with a difficult person and realized it was my job to take a different approach because everything I was trying was failing! I dug deep in my tool box and as I passed the Duct Tape and came on a tool that I had forgotten to use.

Listening! Did you know that silence and listen use the same letters? There is a clue there.
Listen for a change. Amazingly, conflict is reduced and many times Toxic People are even pleasant communicators.

Become a great listener. It will resolve toxic situations and separate you from the masses. Most people have no clue the importance of this skill.

Quick hit list for great listening:
1. Keep an open mind
2. Stop talking
3. Turn off your self-talk (see chapter 14 Mental Looting)
4. Start listening
5. Ask questions to find out more
6. Keep listening

So put the duct tape on YOUR mouth!

listening.gif Get the CD here and become a better listener!

John Wiley and Sons, New York, will be releasing Marsha’s latest book September 29, 2007.
Preorder at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com or www.Amazon.com
Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work without Using Weapons or Duct Tape

Phone: 1.866.661.8756 or 480.661.8756
Booking information: 1.888.797.6700
Marsha Petrie Sue - The Decontaminator of Toxic People

Laid Off, Ticked Off, and Broke

The housing industry has been good to Jessie. The upturns in the market had provided several years of sizeable commission checks because of the mortgages needed to support all the real estate sales. Because of understanding the market, she knew that it was cyclical and that there could, and probably would be, a downturn. However, the money was great so Jessie decided to ride the wave as long as possible. She just couldn’t leave because the pay was too good!

Just a few weeks ago, the woes of the nation’s housing market slapped Jessie in the pocketbook. The sudden cutbacks were unexpected and she was laid off with no warning. The bills were stacking up and she had nowhere to turn. She had become a victim of circumstance, a toxic person, and a statistic.

How is your industry doing? Since the beginning of 2007, more than 40,000 workers have lost their jobs at mortgage lending institutions, according to recent company layoff announcements and data compiled by global outplacement firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas Inc. Meanwhile, construction companies have announced nearly 20,000 job cuts this year, while the National Association of Realtors expects membership rolls to decline this year for the first time in a decade.

If the writing on the wall started in January of 2007, why weren’t more people prepared to face unemployment? It is your personal responsibility to prepare for the best and the worst-case scenarios.

Many, probably most, housing industry employees never planned for a downturn and thought they could ride the wave of the fat paychecks forever. How do you or would you process this industry downturn information?

The choice of accepting and keeping a position is yours. No one held a gun to your head, well, unless you are incarcerated perhaps. The decision to work in a particular industry or study in a particular field is your choice.

Like the housing market, many industries are cyclical and every seven to ten years there is a downturn. So why don’t most people plan for this day? Is it because of the money? Are you caught in this trap?

The favorite excuse for not looking around for different positions is, “I can’t leave what I’m doing because of the pay.” You are in total control of how much you make and where you work.

Three reasons for the “I can’t change because of the money” excuse:
1. You are being paid too much for what you really do.
2. You have not taken inventory of the talents (or lack of talents).
3. You have no idea how to market yourself.

Reason #1. You are being paid too much for what you really do.

If you are overpaid for your job because of company or industry wage standards, you will be out of that job soon. Most industries do have a cycle, so get yourself prepared. This may mean beginning a job search at the height of your earning power. Also, in today’s environment, every leader, manager, and supervisor is looking to cut costs, and the easiest way to do it is to dump the overpriced employees. Leaders can either hire less expensive labor or outsource the job. Fair? Maybe not, but it’s business. Unless you own the company, you are not in control. Period. What you do have is the personal accountability to change your outcomes.

Solution? Ask for assignments that are more difficult. Learn a high level skill. Work harder and smarter. Keep a list of the all the skills you have. Without being a Steamroller or a Know it All let it be known what you are capable of accomplishing. Volunteer to cross train others, lead an improvement team or start a Learn and Burn lunch meeting.

You do have some control over the perception others have of you. So, if you think you’re being paid too much, do something. If you don’t, they will solve the problem for you. When there is a downturn in the market, you will be the first to go.

Reason # 2. You have not taken inventory of the talents. (Or lack of talent)

Right now without too much mental processing, write down the five reasons you are good at your job and why you should not be replaced. You should be able to spout these off as quickly as you say your own name. If you can’t do it, keep a Talent Journal for a few weeks or months.

If you inventory your talents and discover that you aren’t as good as you think you are, here are a few suggestions. What you must do is continue to prove your worth. It really doesn’t matter the level of employment or unemployment, you are in control of continuing to prove the value you bring to the company. Have the people working around you complete a Leadership Scorecard anonymously on you. Find the gaps between your perception of how you work and theirs.

Toot your own horn, speak up, and do your best every day. If the company takes a new direction, implements new software, merges, faces a market turndown, or develops a new product, learn the nuisances and mechanics of making it work. People that wait to be trained or communicated to will be on the chopping block.

So how do you keep updated? Do you Google your company to find out what is being said in the press? Do you pay for training yourself? Are you constantly looking at ways to improve your behavior and self-awareness? If you answered any of these with a no or not a definitive yes, you are in trouble. Sorry for the bad news, but this is the real world.

Your talent may be that you are a pain in the rear. Do you bemoan policy changes? Are you part of the grapevine and catch yourself gossiping? Are you listening to others that are filled with negativity? Do you talk about anyone behind their back? If you said yes to any of these, you are on your way out the door. Companies will not embrace office politics that undermine their cause. They don’t have to. What companies will do is promote people that produce, use fewer resources, manage conflict, work successfully with colleagues, find solutions, and move the company to success. This applies for all kinds of business; so don’t argue that this is not your environment.

Reason # 3. You have no idea how to market yourself.

You are a commodity. Employers buy your talents because of how you have positioned or marketed yourself. What is your marketing plan? When was the last time you updated your resume? And if you did update your resume, do you understand the nuances of resumes in today’s businesses?

Stop and take a hard look at your position, industry, and success. Concentrate on the personal responsibility you can have when it comes to your career and potential. Keep yourself from becoming laid off, ticked off and broke!

Email Marsha for your copy of the The Leadership Scorecard. - Please visit www.MarshaPetriesSue.com or email at Marsha AT MarshaPetrieSue DOT com.

As a professional speaker and author, Marsha Petrie Sue is the Mohammed Ali of communicators. She can dance and look pretty, and she uses the entire ring, but she knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Get the smelling salts! Her presentations are charm school with live ammunition. She is the author of The CEO of YOU and the soon to be released Toxic People: dealing with difficult people in the workplace without using weapons or duct tape.

www.MarshaPetrieSue.com